


Presences

by monaboyd_archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-09-17
Updated: 2004-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-07 15:50:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7720684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monaboyd_archivist/pseuds/monaboyd_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of ghosts and loneliness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Presences

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Shirasade: this story was originally archived at the [Monaboyd.net Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Monaboyd.net), which was closed in September 2014 due to software issues and a lack of new submissions for several years. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2014. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Monaboyd.net Archive collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Monaboyd_Archive/profile).

“I am going to die alone,” Dom agonizes from Billy’s sofa. He stares up at the ceiling and sighs, draping one hand against his forehead as he clarifies, “All *alone*.”

“You’d better hurry up and do it then, I want my sofa back,” Billy replies irritably. It’s not that he wants Dom to die. It’s not that he wants Dom to be unhappy. It’s that he wishes Dom weren’t going to die alone so very often. Billy hadn’t known moving to L.A. meant playing doctor to Dom’s perpetually broken heart. Billy hadn’t known that it meant his door was always open to Dom, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Unfortunately, Billy had been surprised to find out, it did.

Dom turned his head and scowled at Billy. “You think you could have a bit more sympathy for one who’s just had his heart broken, Bill. After all I *did* for you after Ali dumped your sorry arse.”

Billy grinds his teeth and settles for an exasperated sigh rather than the kick he’d like to administer to Dom’s arse. “You helped me find an apartment. And then you promptly moved in. So really you were doing it for yourself.”

“I haven’t moved in. I just…really like your sofa. A lot.”

Billy rolls his eyes. This is a constant cycle, continuous and never-ending and it’s starting to wear Billy thin. Dom falls in love and Billy is subject to hour upon hour of Dom extolling the virtues of his new love. Dom woos and wins said love and Billy is subject to every detail of courtship and relationship. And everything is wonderful for a few weeks and then, about six weeks into it, give or take a few days, it all falls apart and Dom drags himself to Billy’s sofa wear he cries and rants and swears off love forever, only to have it all begin again the next day.

It’s not that Billy minds Dom falling in love.

He minds Dom dragging Billy through it all with him. He minds Dom turning Billy into a constant comfort-machine. Billy is Dom’s best *friend*. He is not Dom’s mother.

But he can’t bring himself to tell Dom this. He can’t find the words to say that, maybe it’s not such a good idea Dom stay the night. Maybe Dom should try giving someone else a call to talk about his latest crush, Billy’s not really up for it. He can’t because he *is* Dom’s best friend. And he loves Dom. He loves seeing Dom so happy and in love and it kills him to see Dom so miserable when someone breaks his heart.

So Billy bites his lip and makes a cup of tea or pours a shot of whiskey and he listens and smiles and glares in all the right places and he makes the right sounds and does his best to look pleased when Dom yawns and rests his head on Billy’s shoulder and says, you’re the best mate *ever* Bills.

Billy doesn’t really like being the best mate ever, much.

If he wasn’t the best mate ever, he wouldn’t have to deal with this. He wouldn’t have to comfort Dom and support Dom and have to care. He could just walk away and close his eyes and cover his ears. Billy looks at Dom lying on his couch, sad lines etched lightly around his mouth and eyes and he feels his heart break a little bit as he reaches forward from his seat on the floor and brushes a strand of hair out of Dom’s eyes. “Hey,” he says. “It’ll be all right,”

Dom’s lips quirk into a quick smile. “Yeah. It always is.” He pauses for a moment, reaches out to grab Billy’s hand and (Billy winces as he knows what coming), says, “You’re the best mate *ever*, Bills.”

Billy forces a smile for Dom and wishes he wasn’t the best mate ever so that he wouldn’t have to *care*.

\---

“Why d’you think it never works out?” Dom asks one night as the ending credits of Fight Club roll. Billy hates Fight Club. But he knows Dom loves it so he suffers through it and Dom has never even guessed how close Billy is to chucking the tape out the window.

“What never works out?” Billy’s confused. “You mean the pizza?” One lone slice of pizza graces the cardboard box sitting before them. There is always one slice left.

Dom rolls his eyes. “No. Stupid twat. I meant ME.”

Something clicks in Billy’s head then and – oh. “I suppose you pick the wrong people,” he tells Dom.

Dom looks annoyed, that’s not what he wanted to hear. He wanted Billy to say that Dom was wonderful and that it was everyone’s fault but his own. Billy shrugs and gives a sympathetic smile. “Sorry, mate. But you don’t seem to have a knack for picking out proper girlfriends. Or boyfriends, for the matter.”

Dom’s mouth goes tight and narrow. “Oh?” he says in a tone that is not quite angry but not quite sedate. “How so?”

“Well…” Billy considers Dom’s most recent conquests. “Katie told you right from the start she didn’t respect acting as a career and that she expected you to stop immediately. And yet you proceeded to go out with her anyway and then cried when she told you, you were irresponsible and immature. Steve was a misogynist and called your mum a stupid cow over the phone and was horrible to every other woman in your life. Anna wanted babies desperately and wanted you to freeze your sperm ‘just incase’. And Jared-,” Billy breaks off abruptly at the look of horror on Dom’s face. “Just a few examples of how you pick the wrong people,” he explains weakly.

Dom looks ill. “I’m going to die alone,” he whimpers.

“There, there,” says Billy, patting Dom’s hand soothingly. “You’ll always have me.”

Dom looks at Billy as though he’d like nothing more than to see Billy take a running leap off a very high cliff and Billy decides that now is not the time to patronize and busies himself with rewinding the video.

\---

̕”What are we doing tonight?” Dom asks upon Billy’s opening of the door. Billy blanches at him, but Dom doesn’t notice as he slips past Billy and into the flat, chattering cheerfully the entire while, settling himself down on Billy’s (fuck it, Billy thinks irritability, it’s DOM’S now) sofa. He bounces comfortably and beams up at Billy. “So, what’re the plans? Movie? Dinner? Both?”

“Um…”

Dom isn’t listening. “Pub? Mini-golf? Museum?”

Billy gnashes his teeth and glares. “Dom. Shut UP.”

Dom gives Billy a wounded look. “You don’t have to yell,” he sulks.

Billy glares. How is it *possible* that this is his best mate? When he would like nothing more than to *strangle* him?

“Billy. Billy, what are we doing tonight?”

“Don’t know what you’re doing, but I’m going out.” Billy turns away from Dom and carefully straightens his cuffs. He doesn’t want to see Dom’s face, shocked and wide-eyed, hurt that Billy hadn’t shared with him. Disappointed that he’s not included in Billy’s plans. Billy glances over his shoulder and sees the anger settling in Dom’s face.

This isn’t fair, Billy thinks as Dom opens his mouth. Dom can have friends. Dom can date. Dom can go out. But not Billy. Billy has to sit at home. Billy has to wait for Dom. Billy has to comfort and love and worship Dom. Billy is not allowed to have a life because it interferes with Dom’s.

Billy hears Dom’s voice – “I thought we were hanging out tonight Billy. We *always* do. Why the fuck did you go and fuck it all up?” and he feels an icy anger creeping over him.

“That’s just *it* Dominic,” he says, his back still to Dom, “you *thought*. You *assumed*, you never asked me. I don’t recall ever inviting you Dom – you just show up! You never ever think that I might have something to do – you think that my sole purpose is to entertain you. I’m sorry Dom, but it’s not and tonight I have plans. I’m going out. Without you.”

Stunned silence emits from Dom and Billy turns back to him with a sigh. “We can do something another time,” he adds lamely. Dom gives him a hurt look. “Er. I don’t care if you stay here for a bit, you know where everything is so, um. Make yourself comfortable.”

Dom continues glowering at him.

“Well. Bye then.” Billy gives a quick smile and pulls his keys from his pocket. “See you later.”

Billy is nearly out the door when Dom speaks. “Who you going out with?”

Billy hesitates for a moment before answering quietly. “Elijah.”

\---

Dom doesn’t speak to Billy for a week after his date with Elijah. Billy shouldn’t mind, he very nearly came out and said, “Go *away* Dom.” It’s what he wanted, some space and Dom’s more than given it to him.

But…something’s not quite right. Billy can’t quite put his finger on it, he doesn’t know what it is in his life that’s gone wrong. He’s not lonely, exactly. He has other friends than Dom, of course, other people in his life so it’s not as if he is craving social interaction. He doesn’t really miss being woken up in the middle of the night by the phone with Dom on the other end– “Billy, I can’t sleep. Billy, I’m bored. Billy, I met the most gorgeous girl.” He’s not exactly bothered by the fact that he can sit on his sofa again with first having to shove Dom’s feet out of the way.

But at the same time – it’s so wrong. It’s as though Dom is haunting him, reproaching him every time he sits on the sofa, when he deliberately selects a film Dom would hate, when he carefully wraps up the leftover pizza and puts it in the refrigerator rather than fight over the remaining slice, when Elijah sits in Dom’s spot.

Billy stares at Elijah in Dom’s spot, listens to Elijah’s words and watches his mouth move and says all the right things and makes all the right emotions back, but doesn’t really register any of it. This is wrong, Billy thinks without really knowing why and laughs, right on cue, at Elijah’s story.

Later that evening, when he is somehow kissing Elijah and fumbling awkwardly with his belt, Billy’s eyes open for a moment. And he swears for that one moment, Dom is standing there, gray eyes furious and his mouth open in a silent shout –

\- and then he blinks and Dom is gone and Elijah is still there and Billy’s eyes close again.

\---

“Are you fucking him?” Dom demands in an ugly tone when Billy picks up the phone.

Billy frowns into the phone. “Who is this?” he asks, although he knows exactly who it is.

“You *know* who it is. I want to know: are you *fucking* him?”

“I really can’t see how it’s any business of yours,” Billy says coldly.

“Just answer the question.”

Billy pauses for a moment. Does he really want to say it? But he does want to. He wants to hurt Dom. And he does, he breaks Dom’s heart when he says calmly, “Yeah. I guess that I am.”

“I hate you,” Dom says and slams down the phone. Billy listens to the dead air for a moment and tries to laugh – _isn’t Dom childish? isn't Dom reckless? won't Dom regret this tomorrow?_ – and in the end, only hangs up the phone and walks away.

\---

Dom leaves a message on Billy’s answering machine just as Billy is pressing sloppy wet kisses to Elijah’s mouth, sprawled across what was once Dom’s sofa but is now all his. “Billy,” Dom says and his voice is hoarse, as though he’s been screaming or crying or has had a cold or maybe all of the above, “Billy, I didn’t mean it. I shouldn’t have said it – I didn’t mean it. I just…I’m sorry, that’s all. Billy…I…Billy, I love you,” he says quietly.

“What’s he talking about?” Elijah asks, his hands still on Billy’s back as Billy stiffens against him, listens with rapt attention to Dom’s message.

Billy’s eyes flicker down to meet Elijah and back over to the machine. Dom is standing there, hands shoved into pockets, shoulders slumped, the corners of his lips turned down and is he crying? – Billy blinks, and he’s gone.

“Nothing,” Billy says at last and sits up. Elijah remains lying down on the couch, giving Billy a critical look. Billy tries to give him a smile, but even the upturning of his lips looks like a frown to Elijah.

“Didn’t sound like nothing,” Elijah says and casually tugs his clothing back into place as best as he can.

“We had a fight. That’s all.”

“Maybe you should call him back.” Billy opens his mouth to object but finds that the words won’t come. Elijah smiles at him. “I was just about to leave anyway,” he lies and Billy can’t decide whether he wants to cry or laugh at Elijah’s kindness. “People to be, places to see,” Elijah says as he gently disentangles himself from Billy and crawls off the sofa. “Or is it places to be, people to see?” Elijah continues as he makes his way to the door. “I like my way better – people to be. It sounds very mysterious. Very cool,” he adds and grins and Billy is struck by how young this boy is.

“Elijah.” Billy stands by the door, watches him pull his jacket and shoes on, watches him pat his pocket in search of keys. Elijah looks at him expectantly and Billy glances away, embarrassed. He doesn’t know what to say – _hi. I used you to hurt Dom. I’m sure you understand why I can’t continue this. Hope you don’t mind._ God. He is disgusting.

“Billy.” Elijah’s bright grin dims for a moment and he says gently, “It was fun. I liked being with you. But…I like being your friend better.”

Billy realizes then that there are no words that will ease the situation and he abstains, choosing instead to wrap his arms around Elijah in a warm, affectionate, and yes, *friendly* hug. He presses his lips to Elijah’s forehead and lets Elijah go.

When he turns away from the door, he sees Dom standing in the corner of the room, his eyes bright and his arms outstretched, as if beckoning Billy to him. And Billy is not surprised that when he tries to take a closer look, Dom disappears.

\---

Dom is sprawled on Billy’s couch again, staring up the ceiling and sighing heavily as he says dramatically, “I am going to die *alone*.”

Everything is back to normal.

Billy glances at Dom and then away, as though he’s done something forbidden.

Everything is back to normal. Almost.

\---

There is a new girl in Billy’s life. Her name is Alex. She’s pretty in an ordinary way, there is nothing extraordinary about her straight dark hair or the dark brown of her eyes or evenness of her features or the sturdiness of her build. There is nothing remarkable or threatening about her, she is easy to get along with, occasionally funny and witty, but is mostly just agreeable.

And Billy hates her.

He hates the very ordinariness of her. He could understand if she was stunning, but she’s not. She looks like a girl he went to school with, actually, and Billy hates that she speaks of home. He could sympathize if she were extremely clever or side-splittingly funny, but the silly jokes and accidental puns she makes are things that any person could spout off occasionally. He could comfort himself if she were horrible, but she’s not, she’s one of those awful people who are perpetually happy and always care and who are just generally *nice*.

But Billy could forgive her for all of that if it were not for one detail: Dom. Yes. This girl, this Alex (Billy hates her name too, it’s so unglamorous and so familiar) is dating Dom and worse, the very worst thing about her, is that it’s been two months. And two weeks. She’s broken the cycle, she’s somehow lasted past the six-week mark and she’s the first girl Dom hasn’t professed undying love to within the first twenty-four hours of meeting her and Billy just wants her to die. (Well, dying is a bit extreme, but he certainly wouldn’t say no to her disappearing for a short while and then reappearing at some later date. In Australia. Twenty-five years from now.)

And he can’t speak a word of this because Dom is so happy. He lies on Billy’s sofa whenever he’s not with her and says dreamily, “I really like her, Bill. I mean…*really* like her. Man. She’s just great, isn’t she?”

One afternoon, Dom says, “Maybe I’ll marry her one day” and Billy is struck with the sudden longing to make a voodoo doll named Alex.

Billy understands Dom now. A little better than he did before, at any rate. He understands the angry phone call, the bitterness over his brief affair with Elijah. Because…well. Now he’s exactly where Dom was a few months ago, being eaten up with jealousy over something that he should be thrilled about. No more Dom angsting about his apartment, no more late night phone calls, no more drinking sessions filled with drunken slurs being thrown at every person Dom’s ever slept with.

Billy is not surprised when his ghost appears again in Dom’s form, staring at Billy with sad gray eyes.

\---

Dom has been dating this Alex girl for nearly five months when his phone call awakes Billy at three a.m. “It’s over,” Dom cries into the phone, his voice slurring and filled with drunken sobs. “Me and Alex…over.”

“What?” Billy’s sleep mind can’t comprehend what Dom is saying. “You broke up with Alex?”

“No. She broke up with me,” Dom wails and starts to make choking noise that frighten Billy as he sits up in bed, clinging tightly to the phone as if it were Dom himself he was holding. “She…she said I don’t know how to love. I don’t understand, Billy. How can you not know how to love? I loved her, I did, I did, I still do, how can I not know how?”

“Dominic,” Billy says in a whisper, half-formed thoughts spinning wildly about his head.

Dom snuffles and sighs into the phone and Billy can hear the drag of his wrist across his nose and eyes. “Billy,” he says, “Can I come over?”

“Of course.” Billy feels lightheaded and for scarcely a second, Dom is sitting beside him on the bed, cross-legged and smiling gleefully.

Dom sighs again, a sigh of relief this time. “You’re the best mate ever,” he tells Billy for the first time in many months and this time, when Billy meets his ghost’s eyes, it does not disappear but instead regards him with silent approval.

\---

“She was right you know,” Dom says abruptly three weeks and four one-night stands after Alex. “I am incapable of love.”

“She was full of crap,” Billy replies automatically.

“No, she was right. Look at me Billy – I’ve been shagging men and women left and right, I’ve gone out with anything that moves and what for? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I’ve been searching and searching for someone and I haven’t found it. And I was so stupid, I always thought it was everyone else but…it’s me. Isn’t it. You said it too, you said I always pick the wrong people…of course they’re the wrong people, they’re wrong for me because I’m wrong for everyone.” Dom sighs and melts into the sofa (Billy is positive that one day Dom will stand up and the sofa will stand up with him). “I’ve sworn off love forever,” he concludes darkly.

Billy is hard-pressed not to smile. “You’re awfully young to be so jaded.”

“Don’t be so condescending, Billy. I’m serious.”

“Well then, I apologize. But really, Dom…sworn off love, forever? Have you been reading smutty romance novels again because I swear-,” Billy is shut up by a pillow being thrust in his face that effectively squishes all his features together.

“Fucker,” Dom says and gives Billy his most terrible glare.

Billy laughs.

“I’m going to die alone and you don’t care,” Dom whimpers and curls up into a tiny pathetic ball.

“I do care. I care very much that you’ll be dying on my sofa at any moment. Try and have a nice neat death, I’d never get blood out of the upholstery.” Billy narrowly avoids another beating with the pillow and Dom hisses *fucker* at him again.

They are silent after that for a few minutes and Billy is surprised by Dom crawling up beside him and leaning against him companionable for a long moment before saying, “I’m glad I have you, Billy. I’ll swear off love, but I’ll never swear off this.”

Billy isn’t sure if he’s pleased by this statement or not.

\---

The ghost follows Billy everywhere now. It lingers longer as well, he can actually stare at it for a second or two before it flickers and fades away. It’s always Dom and sometimes Billy has the eerie feeling that the real Dom is watching him through the ghost eyes that trail Billy’s steps.

Billy tries to speak to it. He asks it why it’s here, why it follows him, what it means, who’s sent it. But the ghost never has any words for Billy, it only shakes its head and either smiles sadly or glares intensely. Sometimes it reaches out its hand for Billy and when Billy, if he’s feeling brave, tries to touch it, the ghost fades away entirely, leaving Billy with hands outstretched to empty air.

It can’t be good for Billy to be seeing things, especially for him to see Dom everywhere he turns, but it frightens him more of what people would say or do if he confided in them. He can only imagine the reactions if his friends found out, how the press would have a field day with it, headlines of Actor Sees Ghosts gracing every tabloid in the supermarket. It’s better to keep it to himself and Billy does, eventually leaving his attempts at contact with it behind and simply ignoring it when it does appear. Maybe it will go away, he hopes desperately, even when the ghost does shocking things such as appearing in the shower with Billy or sitting on Billy’s chest when he’s trying to fall asleep.

And then the ghost starts following Billy into his dreams. One night, Billy dreams he’s kissing Dom. Kissing Dom deeply and intensely, the hard press of teeth hurting Billy’s lips and a hot tongue leaving a damp trail around his lips and Dom’s hands clinging to Billy’s shoulders, Billy’s hands grasping frantically at Dom’s waist.

“Oh,” Billy gasps aloud and opens his eyes in the middle of his dream to find himself staring straight into the gray eyes of his ghost. “OH!” Billy panics and scrambles away from the ghost, crashes the bed against the wall and watches, horrified as the ghost bleeds into the air until it’s disappeared. Was he…was he kissing a ghost? Billy wonders, breathing hard, bringing up a hand to feel his hot cheeks and to smooth his tousled hair. But you can’t touch a ghost, he reasons. Can you?

Disconcerted and too agitated to sleep again, Billy gets out of bed. He wanders the flat restlessly for a few moments, afraid to stay still for longer than a few seconds, afraid to keep his eyes in any one spot too long, afraid of seeing his ghost again. He doesn’t know what to do with himself, he doesn’t know what this means, he doesn’t know who to turn to.

In the end, he calls his sister. She listens to his story quietly with only a few interjections, to clarify some point or to make a soft, disbelieving sound. And in the end, the only thing she has to say is, “Maybe you’re in love with him.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Billy says irritably. “I’m not in love. With Dom. Of all people.” Because really, it is quite ridiculous – Billy knows everything there is to know about Dom, not just his good but every single tiny horrible detail about him. And there is really no way Billy could be in love with anyone whose faults he knows as thoroughly as he knows Dom’s. Doesn’t love appear perfect in one’s eyes, after all?

There is a shrug in Margaret’s voice, he can hear it inflected there as easily as he could see it if she were standing before him. “Well. When you’re in love with someone, don’t you see them everywhere? You want to and hope to see them so badly, they appear out of desperation and longing.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, you just don’t *imagine* people into your life.”

“Really? It makes perfect sense to me.” Billy wishes he were standing next to her, just for a moment, so he could reach out and shake her and demand, explain exactly what you mean! But he can’t. So he settles instead for a little whining and she only says again, “It makes sense to me.”

“You’re daft,” Billy says flatly.

“You’re daft,” Margaret returns and adds, “Maybe you should talk to Dom.”

“Maybe you should stop talking nonsense.”

“You called ME, you must need to hear some nonsense.” Billy doesn’t have a reply for that and after a few seconds, Margaret continues. “Maybe this…ghost of yours…will go away if you talk to Dom.”

“…Do you really think so?”

“No. But it couldn’t hurt.”

Billy laughs. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

There isn’t really anything more to say and after a few more minutes, Billy hangs up the phone. When he turns to return to the bedroom, there’s a gray glimmer in the corner of his eye. But before he can turn to look, it’s gone.

\---

“Billy, I’ve figured out why I was so angry when you and Elijah were going out.”

“Really?” Billy’s interest is piqued and for a moment, he forgets why he called Dom.

“Really.” Dom takes a deep breath before he speaks again, all his words blending together into one long blur of sound, “See, I know I’d sworn off love and stuff ‘cause I was looking in all the wrong places and just getting myself screwed over and over, but the other day I was speaking to Lij on the phone and then it hit me, just this big DUH. It was right there in front of me, everywhere I looked was wrong because I’d already *found* it.”

“Dom…what are you trying to say?” Billy’s voice is calm but inside, he’s knotting up.

“I’m obviously in love with Elijah,” Dom says and Billy, after days and weeks and months and *years* of hearing Dom say I love you to other people, finally breaks.

His throat is tight and his vision blurred and he really can’t think of anything to say, so after a few desperate seconds of opening and shutting his mouth, Billy slams down the phone. It rings back, almost instantly, but Billy can’t even look at it and turns away, bringing his hands to cover his ears to drown out the jarring ring.

“Go away,” Billy shouts to the ghost that stands silent, watching him with mournful eyes in the corner of the room. “Go *away*,” he shouts again, his voice hoarse and thick with a hidden sob. “Just go away and leave me…leave me ALONE.” His fingers dig into the thin skin around his ears as he clenches them harder and screams, “I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.”

The ghost dissipates into nothingness.

\---

Billy calls Elijah a day or so after Dom’s announcement and demands, “Are you in love with Dominic?”

“What? No.” Elijah’s response is so immediate, so sudden, so surprised, so sure that Billy feels a momentary shiver of relief. “Why?”

“He thinks he’s in love with you.”

Elijah snorts in disbelief. “He’s crazy. He’s not in love with me. I don’t love him.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he’s not the one I wanted,” Elijah replies simply. “I wanted *you*. And I can’t have you because you’re in love with Dom and…I can’t love someone who has what I want.”

“Oh God, Elijah.” Billy sighs heavily into the phone, rubs at his temple distractedly with one hand. “Please…I wish I could…please. Don’t put this *guilt* on me.”

“Come off it Billy, I’m not guilting you into anything. You asked why I’m not in love with Dom and I told you why. Do you want to know why he’s not really in love with me?”

“Yes.” A bit grudgingly said, but said all the same.

Elijah pauses for a long, precious moment before he says, “Because he doesn’t *need* me.”

\---

The ghost is flickering the next time it appears. Instead of standing solidly in front of Billy, completely opaque and dense, it flickers in and out of clarity, almost like a television channel with bad reception.

Billy stands in front of it and whispers, “Go, go, *go*.”

\---

Dom never talks to Billy about loving Elijah again and Billy never brings it up. Time passes. Dom goes through several more dating cycles and then swears off love forever. Again. Dom spends most of his free time on Billy’s sofa and Billy stop complaining about it and the ghost remains, flickering in and out of view unsteadily.

Nothing changes. Not really. It’s still the same, Billy and Dom. Billy’s still the best mate ever and Dom is still…well, Dom. They’re the same Billy and Dom only they’re not because Billy now knows he’s in love with Dom and Dom almost knows that Billy is in love with Dom, but not for sure, and neither of them really knows who Dom’s in love with.

One day, Billy says, “Do you know, I have a ghost in my flat.”

Dom gives him half a smile. “Oh really,” he says indulgently, willing to play along with Billy’s little game.

Billy frowns and shakes his head. “No, I really do. He…” Billy hesitates for a moment – _should I really tell him_? “He looks like you.”

Dom’s half smile becomes a full grin. “You have a ghost that looks like *me*?” he asks, either very amused or very pleased or quite possibly, both.

“I think he is you.”

“It can’t be me. I’m right here in front of you, solid, living, breathing. I’m *alive*, Billy. Living people aren’t ghosts.”

“But you *are* my ghost,” Billy insists. “You’re haunting me, Dom. I see you everywhere I look – you follow me into my dreams – and when I try to look twice, when I reach out to touch you – you’re gone. You *leave* me every time Dom.”

“But it’s *not* me, it’s a ghost,” Dom replies, looking confused and a little scared and all of five years old. “You *can* touch me, Billy, see? I’m right here, you can look, you can feel me, I’m not leaving.” And suddenly, his arms are around Billy, warm, solid, tight. “Do you *see*?”

Billy is quiet, standing still, as still as he possibly can be, in the circle of Dom’s arms. “Dom,” he says.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I know.” Now Dom is quiet, Dom is still, and he looks at Billy, at his green eyes and fair hair and red lips. “I have a ghost too,” he says after a moment.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not. I have a ghost, too. Only it’s not like your ghost…this one I never see, I can only feel his presence. And sometimes I hear his voice and I know whatever he says is right and I get angry because I can’t get rid of it…and I keep looking for something to shut it up, to remove this *presence*. Only I can’t find it. I just keep coming back…and back…and BACK to where I started from and…I can’t understand why because you’re so completely wrong, Billy.”

“No I’m not,” Billy whispers.

“You *are*. You’re *Billy*…my best *mate*…you’re not…you’re not like anyone else,” Dom explains helplessly.

Billy shrugs. “If I’m not like anyone else, then you don’t know if I’m right or wrong.”

Dom considers this. “Billy,” he says presently. “I think I love you.”

“I know.”

Billy looks at Dom and Dom looks at Billy and finally, Billy says, “I’m going to kiss you now.”

Dom’s eyes crinkle slightly as he says, “I know.”

When Billy kisses Dom, in the split-second before his eyes close, Billy sees his ghost. The ghost is nearly transparent and Billy meets its eyes before his own close. Billy’s eyes close and his lips open against Dom’s and Billy’s ghost disappears.

Billy never sees it again.

::End::


End file.
